All Posts By

Caroline

Mamahood

Lessons in Mamahood – I am not static.

October 22, 2018

It was the final few minutes of my barre class and I was laid flat on my back staring up at the ceiling. The lights were off, music low, and we were stretching to finish out the hour.

That’s when it hit me.

I had this odd realization that I am not the same person I once knew.

My mind flashed with all kinds of past seasons – like college days or mission adventures or newlywed months – and I became so acutely aware of how much has changed. Not only around me, but in me. I’m so different, I thought.

My friend Erin emailed me a few months ago asking the question of how I have found myself since becoming “mom.”

I thought on it for a few days and then sent back these words:

I’ve gotten to know myself today. I came to realize quickly – but also over time too – that I am not the same. Things are not as they were before. Just like my body isn’t as it was, so I think there is a part of me that is different too. Maybe the same pieces, but it all sits a little differently. The stretching, tearing, expanding of preparing for motherhood has left me changed.

So I take time to learn who I am now. I sit with my thoughts. I take note of what goes through my mind. I let me be me, as I am, in relationships and friendships even when it’s a slightly altered version from before. I decided I didn’t need everything to go back to “normal.” There is a “new” and I decided to get to know the new.

Erin later posted words on social media that powerfully summed up what I was trying to say, which was this:

I am not static. So I am befriending my becoming.

I find this realization equally freeing and terrifying.

So much of me has changed and I am thankful for that. I want the God who moves us from glory to glory to move in and through me as well. I want such moves of him to be evident and tangible. Not all of them will be, of course, but I know there is beauty in the realization that things are shifting, resettling, and redefining.

But then it’s just as uncomfortable. Who really am I, so I wondered as I stared up at the barre studio’s ceiling. What do I dream for? Who am I becoming? What stirs or frightens or activates me most?

Those are powerful questions. At times it’s easy to answer them from what I know to be true based on prior seasons. The challenge for me, though, is to consider my answers in connection to who I find myself to be today.

Allowing myself space to wrestle with those questions reveals what I didn’t know about myself — the new, surprising, and not so pretty too.

Motherhood is teaching me that I am changing. Just as I am getting to know with wonder the little ones in my care who are growing and maturing each second of their lives, so I must befriend myself.

I must get to know who I am today as I am now.

Because ultimately, to surrender to the truth that I am not static necessitates I hold space for myself to grow in the process.

The new things God promised throughout Scripture are those that begin in us. He is changing, renewing, and upgrading us. Resting into the truth that we are different today frees us not only to know who we are through past history but also through present moments.

Here is where we meet God. This is our sacred ground where where we learn what he is doing and who he is making us to be.

So allowing ourselves the opportunity to change and become keeps fresh life flowing from us. It holds space for God to do in us what we could not know or imagine apart from him. And it keeps us breathing, dreaming, and living with him what comes today.

 

Faith Life

Why You Want to Take a Risk Today

October 9, 2018

 

A year ago my daughter, Eloise, and I walked into our local Target to pick up some groceries. I probably showed up at this Target at least twice a week because, well, it’s Target. Eloise was just over one at the time and we were in the sweet spot where she thought sitting in the top of the grocery cart was the best thing ever.

So I put her in, turned to go on our normal route around the store, and locked eyes on a woman nearby me who was limping into the store. She was young, fit, and with a bandage wrapped around her left foot. There was no question that she was in a lot of pain.

I turned back to Eloise not thinking much of it until I felt that inner pull from the Spirit suggesting that this wasn’t a situation to take note of but one to go participate in. God instantly reminded me of when I watched him heal a young woman’s knee in South Africa years ago. In the clearest whisper I heard the words, “What will you do with what you see before you right now?”

There was no mistaking the moment I was entering, with God leading me to consider how I might partner with him in changing the environment in one of the most ordinary places, our local Target. I’d love to say that I instantly headed off to pray for her, but the truth is that I fought this nudge the entire shopping trip. I wanted to step into what God was doing, but I also felt unsure and awkward.

So around Target Eloise and I went. While on the outside everything looked normal, inwardly I was conflicted between God’s leading and my own flesh and fear meshed together.

I had an intense conversation with God as I walked the aisles of Target. I was trying to assuage this urge within me to participate in what was before me and what he might want to do with me. He was, in turn, encouraging me that whether I stepped into this or not didn’t determine his love for me but could showcase his love through me.

What added comedy to the situation was that I ran into this woman at least six times as we walked around the
store. Time and again I would turn down the clothing, home, shoes, or skin care aisle and there she was.

Finally I got to the point where I had wrestled long enough. “Okay,” I resolved, “when I see her next I will go up to her and ask her if I can pray for her. This time I’ll do it.”

Sure enough I ran into her in the vegetable aisle, strolled up to her and said, “Excuse me. Hi. I’m sorry to bother you but I haven’t been able to stop noticing that you’re limping through the store. I actually have witnessed God heal people in the past of ankle problems and was hoping it might be okay if I quickly prayed for you?”

Kind of stunned, she let out an exhale. “I literally have tried everything and I just came back from getting X-rays today. I’ve done acupuncture, physical therapy, everything. I don’t know what’s wrong with my foot.”

“Well, would it be okay if I prayed for you right here and asked God to heal your foot?”

Click below to download my new (free!) ebook where you will find the rest of the story on page 17!

Faith Leadership

4 Steps for Catching — and Keeping — Vision

September 18, 2018

I recently talked with a friend about how we will be those seventy-year-olds still auditing classes. We share this common desire to consume new information. While some people can’t wait to be done with the classroom, I love it. The work load, not so much. But the discussing and engaging with ideas that interest me, I hope I can do that my whole life.

So what am I in the middle of learning?

Well, I’m trying to listen to some new voices about how to launch a concept. It’s not that natural to me. I used to say I’m not “wired” that way, but now I think that was a copout because it seems hard and uncomfortable. So instead I’m trying to learn from people who know a lot about how to get an idea off the ground and moving.

I can’t tell you much about how to do that just yet, since I’m freshly in the space. But I can tell you what they all say, which is this:

Catch the vision and know where you’re going. Because where you look is where you’ll head.

It sounds easy enough and like something we’ve all heard. But if I were to ask you what your vision is for the dream you want to launch, how easily could you tell me? Would you stammer through words that perpetually circle the point without ever landing on it? Or could you clearly, succinctly, and confidently articulate what it is?

Asking myself that question has challenged me to clarify. Because even though we can learn techniques of how to get somewhere, if we don’t know where we’re going then it’s not that helpful. The how doesn’t get us far if we haven’t settled the where. But once we do, how becomes crucial.

So in an effort to move myself somewhere intentional, I’m giving it my best shot to implement this advice.

And if you’re there too, here’s what catching and keeping vision practically looks like for me these days:

1. Get specific.

A few weeks ago I pulled out my large white sticky notes and jotted down words on vision, mission, and values. I asked myself pointed questions. Where do I hope to be in the next few months or years? What is most important about how I get there? What compels me to do the hard, hidden stuff today?

Getting specific has been important in catching vision. I’m leaning in to hear what God is whispering about where he is leading and what he is doing. This has helped me not only know where I’m going, but to see and believe for it. And ultimately, knowing what and where always informs and inspires how.

2. Rehearse the vision. 

I’m reminding myself consistently of why I am doing certain things, especially the ones that are stretching, overwhelming, or totally mundane.

When David boldly said, “I’m remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of God” (Ps 27:13), he didn’t necessarily know all the how-tos of it. But he knew where he was heading — to taste God as good — so his present decisions were fueled by his future vision. He was reminding himself of the greater vision in the middle of his surrounding challenges.

3. Align decisions.

Our present decisions make all the difference to where we find ourselves down the road. They determine where we go and what we harvest. This always matters for that. Today is always connected to what comes. So we build momentum through our small and purposeful choices right now.

Because of that, I’m considering how my present decisions help me partner with God in future dreams. The main questions I am asking are: What’s the fruit of this choice in coming seasons? Does this choice lead me off course or keep me on it? What actions best align with the larger vision?

4. Pray by faith (not sight).

In the New Testament the people of faith are encouraged to fix their eyes (2 Cor 4:18; Heb 12:2) and in the psalms it is repeatedly sung about the lifting our heads and eyes (Ps 3:3, 24:9, 121:1). Both hit on the point that we are to raise and keep our eyes set beyond what we see. Then, from there, we declare, prophesy, and trust that God will do more than we currently see.

So I’m believing that God is working in wild, unimaginable ways. I’m not constricting the vision with expectations about how it must come to be, but with expectancy that God is faithful and he will move.

So what’s your vision? How can you catch and keep it so that what you do now propels you towards what God has ahead?

Faith Leadership

How I Got to Work and Wrote My Book

September 6, 2018

Brené Brown shares a powerful story in her book, Braving the Wilderness, about when she decided to write herself a permission slip much like the ones she was signing for her school-aged daughter at the time. She was about to tape an episode with Oprah and was a bundle of emotions (I’d be too). Instead of allowing the stress, pressure, and anxiety to tell her who she was or how’d she do, she wrote herself permission to have fun and enjoy it as it would be.

She granted herself the opportunity to belong in her moment, and to live it both fully and boldly.

After years of letting my book proposal sit on the shelf, God’s whisper spoke life into my dream again. Not only did he remind me of what he had planted in me years ago, but he did something else too.

He invited me to pursue my dream to be a writer, no matter what those official voices had spoken. Ultimately, what I heard after years of letting that book proposal sit was this:

Go write the book.

It was a total shift for me. Instead of waiting for an outside voice to allow me the space to pursue this dream, God was the one asking me to release what was in me.

I approached the dream completely differently. This was about stewardship and giving away what God had put in me. So I changed my source of permission from external voices to God’s internal whisper. I traded my concern for what others around me were saying for what God was stirring in me.

And then I got to work — because the book wasn’t going to write itself.

To date it is probably my most calculated pursuit of a dream yet. I literally counted out the number of days I had to write it, which was about 90. I researched the word count of a typical non-fiction book. Using my snazzy mathematics degree from college, I figured out that I needed to write 500 to 600 words a day for 3 months.

Then you know what I did? I showed up, day by day and word by word.

That’s the key in all of this, no matter what dream you’re wanting to pursue. Passion is important and clarity is necessary, but ultimately you and I have to decide we’re no longer willing not to show up. One day has to be the first day — of many days — that we do the thing. It’s the day we choose that all the reasons we usually give for why we’re quitting whatever we sought to accomplish don’t count this time. They don’t carry the weight to sway or distract us.

We do the mundane and purposeful rhythms, every day for countless days, and through the ordinary something extraordinary takes place.

So last May I decided that all the reasons I usually give myself weren’t going to work this time. Then I wrote the book. I edited it and had others read it, and now I’m pitching it.

What feels amazing about where I am on this journey is that I’m not seeking the validation from publishers to write, as I previously was anxious to receive. I wrote the book. I am a writer.

Now I’m looking for the best place to entrust this offering, which demands I keep working though the path isn’t clear and there are plenty of obstacles along the way. Even still, I’m choosing to show up.

What I hope you hear in this story is this — don’t give others the power to keep you from running hard after what God has put in you. If you know God is calling you to do something, do it. Launch forward by his leading and in response to what he has done in you.

So how do we live this out? We show up each day, steward well what is before us, and allow what flows from us to reflect God’s deposit in us. We partner with the dreams God has placed in us, one decision at a time.

This all means that if you dream of writing a book, write the first chapter. If you want to buy a house, save the first thousand dollars. If you want to grow community, sign yourself up for an activity that puts you around new people. Stop waiting for a perfect time or some heavenly sign to pursue what dreams God already has placed in you. Simply take the first step.

Also, write out that permission slip. I’m not even kidding. Grant yourself the permission to be right now the person who you hope to be when you ultimately step into that dream.

So what’s the dream you need to show up for today? And what kind of permission do you need to grant yourself? I’d love to hear below!

Faith

How I Tried to Write My First Book and Then Quit

August 23, 2018

Exactly ten years ago I was on the World Race in India. I could share all kinds of stories from my month there, both beautiful and painful ones, but there’s a specific afternoon I’ll never forget. It’s the day I decided I would write a book.

It came to me while I was lying on the bottom bunk in the bedroom I shared with two other girls. I had my journal out and was dreaming with God about what could be in the years and seasons ahead. Before I consciously knew what I was writing, I penned these words…

I want to write a book. Maybe lots of books.

Later that day I announced it to my roommates to make it official. Somehow and someday I was committing to make this book happen.

Six years later, recently home from a summer in Mozambique with Mark, I decided it was time to pursue this dream. So I set off to write my first book.

I didn’t have a clue how to do this, though, so I enlisted the help of my friend Erin. At the time she was in the editing process with her publisher for her forthcoming book and was full of knowledge.

Apparently the first thing I needed was a book proposal. No problem, I thought. One quick search led me to Michael Hyatt’s “Write a Winning Book Proposal” and I immediately bought it.

Over the next weeks and months I pieced together the proposal. It contained every bit of information about my topic that a publisher would want to know, from a compelling summary and thorough market analysis to even the first chapter of my unwritten manuscript.

I found myself feeling proud of that book proposal. I spent a lot of time on it, received so much help from others, and was eager to get it into the right hands. Not long after that I was connected with a few Christian publishing houses. According to the guidelines of one of them, they were unwilling to read proposals from authors without agents. Yet somehow unexpected doors opened that allowed my proposal to arrive into those influential hands.

This was amazing news for me, to which I was sure better news would follow.

It didn’t take long for emails to start showing up in my inbox. They all carried a similar message. This was well done, so they applauded, but we’re not interested.

The news crushed me. The fact I was certain it was a season of breakthrough made it extra hard for me to swallow the rejection.

Quickly I translated the news of not wanting to publish my book to mean I was a poor writer who shouldn’t pursue writing one. I didn’t know how to keep moving forward on something those official voices declared not good enough.

So I put my book proposal aside and didn’t pick it up again for years.

Unfortunately my story isn’t that unique because it’s all too common to hand over permission to the world around us to validate who we are, what we do, and where we go.

Without even realizing it, we can tune in to the voice of those surrounding us to the point that we don’t hear the whisper of God for our lives. In that place, all we do and who we are depends on who and what is around us instead of who is living in and flowing from us.

We may not even know we are doing it, but when others detract us from facing our fears, taking a giant risk, or following a dream planted by God, we have given permission to the wrong voice to direct our days.

That’s exactly what happened with my book proposal. I mustered enough courage and determination to research the information, work on it for months, and even get it into the hands of publishers. But the minute they said “no thanks,” I stopped.

I extended permission to those external voices to deter me from pursuing my dream. Instead of standing up to the resistance, even pushing against it, I allowed their words to halt my momentum.

I wonder what it is for you. What’s the dream God is calling you to, that you invested a lot of energy and time into, but you stopped when a struggle arose or opposition came? Where have you handed permission to those around you for what God’s put in you?

You may feel like that dream has died, but it hasn’t. Because that’s not the end of the story, even if it’s been the story for a long time. There’s more God is asking you to do with the dream he’s planted in you.

Maybe it’s time to get up again, show up again, and decide that the story continues.

Last summer, four years after receiving those initial rejection emails, I quietly began to hear God’s whisper remind me of my dream to write a book. This time, though, something was different. He wasn’t asking me to do the same things I did before in hopes of a new outcome. He was asking me to approach the dream from a completely new position — and that’s what I’m going to share with you next week.

Stay tuned or put your email in the subscribe box to not miss it!

Live Here. Love Now.

Get your free copy of
Live Here. Love Now.

6 Practices for Cultivating a Life of Presence, Purpose, and Power

You have Successfully Subscribed!